Blighted Bellies n Pelvic Dreams

My journey to having a baby as a 38 yo with undetected Pelvic Inflammation Disease

Its always the 24th…..

This pregnancy has revolved around the 24th of most months.

My 5day transfer took place on 24th April.

My first scan was on the 24th of May.

I had spotting and emergency appointment @ 11wks 4 days on 24th June (& another scan!)…. The gp even asked my due date (9 January 14 = add them 9+1+14=24) as i mentioned had had scans exactly two months apart and she said, you will have it on the 24th December then ha ha ha!

I believe I felt the Ranga baby move for first time on 23rd July.

Our first photo with my darling partner, baby bump and myself was 24th August.

And today is the 23rd and i am booked in to my lil Russian Ob, for my 24wk checkup!!

Lets add some more 24’s now I think about it…..

My partners birthday is the 24th, next month….. The big 4-oh!

My first pregnancy miscarried 13yr ago on the 24th September…..

I bought my first solo house purchase on 24th September 2006…..

Now, not to do with the 24th but another interesting date I have found in my life is Nov 15.

Why?

I graduated high school on November 15th forever ago…..

My last coke (ahhhhh Coke i miss you!) was November 15th last year……also the day I met my Ivf miracle worker, Dr Hotty!

I was looking at finishing work perhaps at 32wks, pulled out the calendar and can u guess the date? November 15th! Exactly one year since our appointment that has turned our lives around…..

Now it may all be codwash, but it is interesting you have to admit 🙂

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Blogs-so far behind…

Hi there all.

Back again, in holiday mode 🙂 and time to catch up. So many things have and havent happened but its the first day of winter school holidays and i can finally breathe. Ahhhhhh! I have the house to myself (lovely!) and am just poking around doing random bits here and there. Nice! Dont get me wrong-i love having my man around but i do really love some space and hes not the type of guy to head off with mates for a day out on weekends, leaving me to poke around with the vacuum or a good book or whateva i feel like doing. He has booked his next 4 day weekend away with mates fishing and i just cant wait!

School was super busy the last 4 weeks with report cards due after being checked twice and edited, checking reports for friends, the school musical that i do the makeup and videoing of, filling in time with 20 tired 9&10 yr olds who are busting for the holidays like me, trying not to throw up at work, finishing assessment for reporting…..and the list goes on!

what has happened tho, is that i am 11wks and 3days 🙂 We have been dismissed from our infertility dr and i am booked in to see my GP/gym buddy tomorrow for my first visit! I have booked the nuchal transluency test for next Tuesday (12wks 4 days) and am taking my lil sister with me to see the scan. Have had so many blog ideas but now my head is just empty-and for one big reason.

I have had some spotting. Not fresh but enough for my midwife friend to be consulted and she thought the same as me-get into the GP today, not tomorrow as i already had booked. So now, I am biding time for another 25 minutes till I leave to see the dr. Am not greatly worried-its oldish looking, no pain- and i havent told the ranga partner either. He doesnt cope well with any stress-had 2days off last week as he wasnt feeling mentally right-so telling him thats stuffs happened can happen later-when i know what to tell him Exactly. He’s always a glass half empty guy-I’m a glass is overflowing girl!

All will be ok I am sure. The morning sickness and sore boobs are still ever present-blessings but curses!-telling me hormones still jiving around. Will be back later today-hoping they might do a scan, wana see my jellybean PLUS Ranga’s almost 18yold daughter is here till tomorrow-would be cool if she could see a scan too!

Back soon 🙂

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Count down to the end

there are a few things i am counting down till…….

  1. The end of progesterone cream 2x a day
  2. the end of the estrogen head ache inducing tablets
  3. the end of morning sickness all of the waking hours
  4. the end of energy-less days
  5. the end of school term and report cards
  6. the end of not being able to exercise while waiting out the 12wk clearance and my energy to return
  7. the end of lying to people about whats really happen while i am working with them and trying not to dry heave
  8. the end of not feeling anything like my real self

just saying………….

 

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Pipped at the post.

Am pretty pissed, disappointed, upset. The wind has been taken out of my sails.

My youngest cousin who was married 4 months ago, is pregnant. She was a single mum at 23, totally pampered and funded by my aunt and uncle when she wanted stuff, anything, even before her first child was born.

Her mum, my mums big sister, was my favourite aunt and mums best friend until their mum passed away. The family fighting has started and at the wedding recently it reached a crescendo. As i was in the middle of ivf (they don’t know), it was 3rd week back after summer holidays and i couldn’t fly/drive over 900km each way in one weekend for a one night celebration, they were peeved.

The spoilt bitch (sorry but….), who my parents drove 12 hours to witness get married, got her mother to ask if we could return her wedding present as she already had one. It didn’t matter that it was specially engraved. It didn’t matter that they only opened half of it. It didn’t matter that it was given early to be used at the cutting of the wedding cake. It didn’t matter to my aunty who asked for the return in front of the rest of my aunts and uncles at breaky the next day, then praise the others for their gifts.

And now, the bitch, is pregnant.

This is the brat who used to smoke and drop the butts on the roof of the bottom floor of their $3m house, when she was 14.

This is the little brat who would cry and get whatever she wanted when shopping, at home.

This is the teenager who would make plans and her mum just had to change her plans to get her there.

I am not jealous….everyone has their own battles thats for sure.

But her family have so far produced 5 great grandchildren for my Poppy. We have no grandchildren in our branch of the family-i am the only one who can have children.

I have another cousin who is pregnant with their first and i am stoked for them (dads family)

I just wanted our baby to be its own sort of special for our very distant but large family.

As the absolute middle cousin of 11 grandkids, I just wanted my own bit of the spotlight.

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Teaching about the life cycle.

I teach eighteen 9 and 10 year olds and we are doing the life cycle of animals and plants in science.

Somehow we got discussing vertebrates then spines and having a tail, being smaller than the white on your fingernail and so on.

Do you know hard it is to NOT say…..well year 4, in my belly is a little baby, smaller than the white on your nail. It has a beating heart just like you. It has a tail still but its arms and legs are growing and its tail will fit into its body, not fall off like a lizard. Now lets take out a ruler and see how small 1 centimetre is….

Hehehe! Only 4 weeks till I can tell them and I know they will be as stoked as me as I taught them in Year 1, bits of Years 2 and 3 and now this year. We have a really great relationship. Love my lil guys xo

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My afternoon……

I collected my flowers for tomorrow’s funeral and was taking them to my mums for her to deliver on my behalf.

I turned onto the highway and decided to cross into the next lane straight away…..not a good choice!

Another car decided it wanted that lane too, actually it had right of way and i didn’t.

Hmmmm, now own a white car with a blue stripe!

It was a nice guy i hit. Even better though, he’s a panel beater. He works for my deceased-friends cousin!

I took my car straight to the panel beaters (after a lil chat to myself!) and the cousin/Panel beater laughed!

She said Dee would be looking down and pissing herself laughing at me! I bloody well hope so! Its all her fault!

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Xo Deanne xo

Tomorrow they bury my best friend from high school and I am not going. Other friends are but not me. I am sending my mum and sister instead.

I have had about 15 days off school this year already and didn’t want to ask for more.

I am 6 1/2 wks pregnant-2 hrs of bawling may not be so good for my health.

I feel guilty n gutless.

Please tell me I am making the right decision?

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How do I love thee? Let me count the days. <3

Ok girls….spit it! How long did you wait to pee on that not-so-magical stick? Tell me!

My two week wait looks like this and I want some thoughts on it…..

Thursday-8dp5dt-ranga partner leaves for 10 day fishing trip 🙂
Friday-9dp5dt- work till 4pm
Saturday-10dp5dt- um er nothing!!
Sunday-11dp5dt- should be blood test but not happening because of weekend.
Monday-12dp5dt-blood test then work till 3pm. Have Professional Development till 3-6pm. Dr office closes at 4:30pm.

🙂 So my thoughts are these- doing poas on either Saturday or Sunday because:

1) would hate to get phone call at lunchtime that its negative then return to my classroom of socio-economically deprived students.

2) would hate to be carpooling to the prof.devt and get either bfn or bfp call.

3) if I do it on wkend, can have friend there if I want and deal with whatever the dice of life rolls.

4) if I do it on wkend, is Saturday 10dp5dt too early????

PLEASE tell me your thoughts.

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What if I am a fraud?

I feel like I am being very selfish and mean. I am being pampered by my ranga partner, family and friends that know.

I am now 4 days past a 5 day transfer and officially in the tww (two week wait) and not doing a very good job. (As you can see I have blogged everything in the last 4 days, and I mean everything!)

My ranga-man told me this morning to leave the washing up, he will do it later. Sit down baby. Don’t do anything you don’t want to. Get some vitamin D. Chill on the swing seat. Fold the washing if you feel up to it……….

At a camp oven dinner with the in-laws and their friends last night, I sat there like a princess. Are you warm enough? Oh its ok you’ve just eaten all the leftover pineapple that was for dessert. No stay there we can carry in the 60 trays if leftovers. Do you need a drink?…………

And on and on it goes.

I am not ungrateful, I am very appreciative of them and their expectations of me.

I DO want to just sit and do nothing.

I DO want to relax and chill.

But, what if this cycle fails too?

I will look back and feel like such a fraud! They too would have wasted their energy running after me when, even then, I couldn’t deliver the goods!

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3 positive bloggers….perfect timing!

Yay for my 3 new blog friends

🙂 stumbling overtime

🙂 chasing rainbows

🙂 random squeaks

who have all posted positives this week. Hope those girls have left me some baby dust for me!

Congrats to you all!!!!! And thanks for inspiring to keep my dream alive!

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