Blighted Bellies n Pelvic Dreams

My journey to having a baby as a 38 yo with undetected Pelvic Inflammation Disease

Pipped at the post.

Am pretty pissed, disappointed, upset. The wind has been taken out of my sails.

My youngest cousin who was married 4 months ago, is pregnant. She was a single mum at 23, totally pampered and funded by my aunt and uncle when she wanted stuff, anything, even before her first child was born.

Her mum, my mums big sister, was my favourite aunt and mums best friend until their mum passed away. The family fighting has started and at the wedding recently it reached a crescendo. As i was in the middle of ivf (they don’t know), it was 3rd week back after summer holidays and i couldn’t fly/drive over 900km each way in one weekend for a one night celebration, they were peeved.

The spoilt bitch (sorry but….), who my parents drove 12 hours to witness get married, got her mother to ask if we could return her wedding present as she already had one. It didn’t matter that it was specially engraved. It didn’t matter that they only opened half of it. It didn’t matter that it was given early to be used at the cutting of the wedding cake. It didn’t matter to my aunty who asked for the return in front of the rest of my aunts and uncles at breaky the next day, then praise the others for their gifts.

And now, the bitch, is pregnant.

This is the brat who used to smoke and drop the butts on the roof of the bottom floor of their $3m house, when she was 14.

This is the little brat who would cry and get whatever she wanted when shopping, at home.

This is the teenager who would make plans and her mum just had to change her plans to get her there.

I am not jealous….everyone has their own battles thats for sure.

But her family have so far produced 5 great grandchildren for my Poppy. We have no grandchildren in our branch of the family-i am the only one who can have children.

I have another cousin who is pregnant with their first and i am stoked for them (dads family)

I just wanted our baby to be its own sort of special for our very distant but large family.

As the absolute middle cousin of 11 grandkids, I just wanted my own bit of the spotlight.

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Teaching about the life cycle.

I teach eighteen 9 and 10 year olds and we are doing the life cycle of animals and plants in science.

Somehow we got discussing vertebrates then spines and having a tail, being smaller than the white on your fingernail and so on.

Do you know hard it is to NOT say…..well year 4, in my belly is a little baby, smaller than the white on your nail. It has a beating heart just like you. It has a tail still but its arms and legs are growing and its tail will fit into its body, not fall off like a lizard. Now lets take out a ruler and see how small 1 centimetre is….

Hehehe! Only 4 weeks till I can tell them and I know they will be as stoked as me as I taught them in Year 1, bits of Years 2 and 3 and now this year. We have a really great relationship. Love my lil guys xo

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Oooooo yep theres my boobies!

Well guys, its now kicked in. Just took my bra off, bumped a booby bit and felt it like a punch in the chest and that someone had ripped a nipple off!

Oooooooooow oooooooh!

Back to sleeping in a padded bra! Give me that over nausea any day!

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Fallen off the back of a truck….

My friend called today and asked me to stop by her work on the way home. Her family own a distribution warehouse and she said she had stuff to school.

Then she told me to bring my car into the warehouse and she loaded it up with some written off goodies….for our bubba!

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The jumping frame just has a damaged box. Everything else is perfectly wrapped. There is:
2 long sleeved body suits size 000
2 singlet body suits size 000
Baby record book
2 maternity singlets/camis
Moses straw bassinet
3x 8 tub baby food storers
5 pks of sanitary liners
2 belly belts
10 pk bibs
And a box of toothbrushes (Wtf??!!)

Nice start for our lil beetle. 🙂

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Anti-nausea drugs rock!

Zofran zydis is my new friend!

Its a little flake, you place 1/2 on your tongue. Tastes a bit like whizfizz or sherbet. It dissolves and so does the nausea!

Got 10 hrs yesterday, of normality, without dry retching. 🙂

Ate a massive rib fillet, vege, chips and mushie sauce for tea at a local pub……Mmmmm pub grub is good!

At $55 for 10 flakes it should be good.

Its my new best friend……now only if the dr hadda ticked the rebate box……

It works, who cares!

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And then there was ‘The One’

Our lil jellybean! Beating along to its own lil tune!

It is 0.92cm long. 7wk 0days yesterday. Due date 10 January 2014

One lil jellybean and 2 superstoked parents!

……………………………………………………………………………

We made a deal in the waiting room- i bet one baby, Ranga bet two. Loser buys lunch!
Dr made us bet that we will be back to collect our frosties- he wants a bottle of cab sav.

……………………………………………………………………………

On the table, spread eagle & probing away, as you do. Dr says, “looks like you’re buying her lunch big fella!”

Before i knew it there was a black pit and a little straight speck. Thats our baby!

The dr found the heart beat and again so Ranga could video it on his phone. 🙂

The dr pointed out the bits like length, with an arrow on the screen-we saw its lil two chambered heart pumping away. Ranga videoed that too 🙂

We held hands, we kissed. The dr smiled and offered me a hand up. I grabbed it and kissed it. I then explained that out of 3 girls in our 2 families, i am the only one to ever have gotten this far. He smiled bigger than both of us!

He left the room and said come in when u r ready.

He worked out the date and said, keep doing what your doing (damn more head numbing oestrogen tablets) and see u in 2 weeks.

Now try wiping that smile off our faces.

We have a lil tiny minuscule baby. 🙂

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First scan ever ever EVER!

6wks 4days OR 6wks 6days

My friends all had babies in their teens and twenties. A majority were single mums and delivered thru public health. I have held their newborns, fed them, drove them to sleep, babysat and changed nappies.

But i have never ever seen a scan!

I have Mashed vegies, wiped up spills, held their hands, watched first steps and heard first words. I have rubbed sore bellies, fixed up scrapes with bandaids and rubbed bonjella on teething gums.

But i have never ever seen a scan!

Until tomorrow……

My first pregnancy only had a desperate scan on a Saturday night by a doctor trying to sort out my mess. The ultrasounds that followed were to diagnose what was happening and i viewed an empty womb.

Until tomorrow……

I am only a smidgen worried but probably its more being nervous. I am past the stage where my previous pregnancy malfunctioned so that doesn’t worry me. I have morning sickness like a sobering sailor so i know my hormones are kicking still. I have maintained a positive outlook from the start of the ivf-fet process and thats paid off so far.

Its like two week wait all over again, its taking that step into the unknown.

Its like the pregnancy test-i will cry, guaranteed! But this time my Ranga partner will be by my side xoxo

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Morning sickness schmickness!

Yep, i got it. Every post i read has got it. No ones found a magic cure. Its been around i guess forever. Its horrid. Its draining. Its totally urgh!!!!

Am munching milk arrowroot biccies every 30-45mins. The students haven’t asked why yet…. But am sure its coming.

Big meals are urgh!

Sitting upright is urgh!

Necklaces feel urgh!

Drinking is urgh!

The first trimester is urgh!

Keeping my eyes on the goal………

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My afternoon……

I collected my flowers for tomorrow’s funeral and was taking them to my mums for her to deliver on my behalf.

I turned onto the highway and decided to cross into the next lane straight away…..not a good choice!

Another car decided it wanted that lane too, actually it had right of way and i didn’t.

Hmmmm, now own a white car with a blue stripe!

It was a nice guy i hit. Even better though, he’s a panel beater. He works for my deceased-friends cousin!

I took my car straight to the panel beaters (after a lil chat to myself!) and the cousin/Panel beater laughed!

She said Dee would be looking down and pissing herself laughing at me! I bloody well hope so! Its all her fault!

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Xo Deanne xo

Tomorrow they bury my best friend from high school and I am not going. Other friends are but not me. I am sending my mum and sister instead.

I have had about 15 days off school this year already and didn’t want to ask for more.

I am 6 1/2 wks pregnant-2 hrs of bawling may not be so good for my health.

I feel guilty n gutless.

Please tell me I am making the right decision?

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