Blighted Bellies n Pelvic Dreams

My journey to having a baby as a 38 yo with undetected Pelvic Inflammation Disease

How do I love thee? Let me count the days. <3

Ok girls….spit it! How long did you wait to pee on that not-so-magical stick? Tell me!

My two week wait looks like this and I want some thoughts on it…..

Thursday-8dp5dt-ranga partner leaves for 10 day fishing trip 🙂
Friday-9dp5dt- work till 4pm
Saturday-10dp5dt- um er nothing!!
Sunday-11dp5dt- should be blood test but not happening because of weekend.
Monday-12dp5dt-blood test then work till 3pm. Have Professional Development till 3-6pm. Dr office closes at 4:30pm.

🙂 So my thoughts are these- doing poas on either Saturday or Sunday because:

1) would hate to get phone call at lunchtime that its negative then return to my classroom of socio-economically deprived students.

2) would hate to be carpooling to the prof.devt and get either bfn or bfp call.

3) if I do it on wkend, can have friend there if I want and deal with whatever the dice of life rolls.

4) if I do it on wkend, is Saturday 10dp5dt too early????

PLEASE tell me your thoughts.

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What if I am a fraud?

I feel like I am being very selfish and mean. I am being pampered by my ranga partner, family and friends that know.

I am now 4 days past a 5 day transfer and officially in the tww (two week wait) and not doing a very good job. (As you can see I have blogged everything in the last 4 days, and I mean everything!)

My ranga-man told me this morning to leave the washing up, he will do it later. Sit down baby. Don’t do anything you don’t want to. Get some vitamin D. Chill on the swing seat. Fold the washing if you feel up to it……….

At a camp oven dinner with the in-laws and their friends last night, I sat there like a princess. Are you warm enough? Oh its ok you’ve just eaten all the leftover pineapple that was for dessert. No stay there we can carry in the 60 trays if leftovers. Do you need a drink?…………

And on and on it goes.

I am not ungrateful, I am very appreciative of them and their expectations of me.

I DO want to just sit and do nothing.

I DO want to relax and chill.

But, what if this cycle fails too?

I will look back and feel like such a fraud! They too would have wasted their energy running after me when, even then, I couldn’t deliver the goods!

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3 positive bloggers….perfect timing!

Yay for my 3 new blog friends

🙂 stumbling overtime

🙂 chasing rainbows

🙂 random squeaks

who have all posted positives this week. Hope those girls have left me some baby dust for me!

Congrats to you all!!!!! And thanks for inspiring to keep my dream alive!

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The yes no wait in overdrive

As I head to the shower, 3 days and 7 hours past a 5 day transfer of 2 lil frozen ones, I stop to check myself out. I have had tightening, not twinges, on my right side all day, even feeling a bit pinchy tonight so the brain is in overdrive.

Do my boobs look like they have veins?

Are my nipples sore or bigger?

Is my pelvis tighter? Bloated? Swollen?

Will I pee lots during tonight?

Surely I am not the only one that follows this ritual.

All good questions that will be answered next week. Stay tuned!

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Pineapples and labradors

About to head to town to buy groceries and am 3dp5dt of frosties. Its the only time I can convince my darling ranga partner to join me on the not-so-joyous job of buying food. I don’t want to have to carry groceries or push the trolley. And gonna track own some hopefully fresh pineapple (good for implantation according to Dr Google!)

Anyway, I am sure this pic will come in handy down town as I am guaranteed to run into kids from school or friends and their tribes.

Just want to share….

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Have a happy, sunny positive Saturday. I will be!

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I have a secret.

No one uses my iphone pretty much except me (one bonus of not having kids!). On my list page there is this……image

I have a list of names, any names, because it IS gonna happen you see.

🙂 Don’t tell!!

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The ring theory – and no its not a gender test!

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I found this link on another blog and it makes perfect sense! All of my family, friends and co-workers have followed the rules without even knowing. This is only our second cycle tho so the novelty is still there.

Read and tell me what you think.

🙂

http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

P.S. new to blogs n links n replies so sorry if it stuffs up!

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2WW is killing meeeeeeeee! I want the answer NOW!

It is currently 9:30am Friday and my frozen transfer was Wednesday around 3pm. Not even a whole 2 days ago. I don’t return to work till Monday and its just me, online bingo and Dr Google home today. Might add in the company of 5 year old forums and some youtube tear jerkers just to get the day off to a great start.

I organised this transfer so had 5 days off including a weekend and public holiday, but now I am wondering would it be better to be at work?

As it was a frozen transfer, the effects of the progesterone tablets (migraines and headaches, permanently) and crinone ( the permanent peed yr pants feel!), haven’t affected me as physically as the first round. And I returned to work 3 days later then.

But I want it to work!!!!

So 5 days off it is.

I have searched my older blogs and texts to Anna, looking for hints when things like twinges were happening to me (did get pregnant last time for about 1wk!) to compare notes.

I have blogged blogged blogged my heart out here, all the blogs I have thought about but not had time to write or acknowledge.

So now, I will leave you, my online friends, to raid the cupboard for pineapple (great for implantation according to Dr Google), clean all the peanuts out of the house (no good according to the forums) and charge up the iPad for another round with a box of tissues and youtube (should be ‘i-cried’).

Thank you for listening xo

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My friend Anna

Anna has become my IVF lifeline. My grounding, my understander, my backup info girl. I taught her and now she works at my school. She has the most gorgeous twin boys-IVFers who were 4th attempt, 10wks in utero (?) when she started working part time at school.

She understands the forum lingo and quite often we’ll text after tea. She tells me to ignore the forums, or at least read them with a very open mind.

She sends me sticky wishes and baby dust.

She tells me its all ok to want to poas (pee on a stick) 2dp5dt (2days past 5day transfer) and asks how I waited so long!

She tells me twinges are good and bloating is normal.

She texts with positives when I’m feeling low and positives when the vibes are good.

I tell her I feel like we dont talk anything about her, just my ivf timeline and she says thats ok.

Her first words of a morning arent ‘How you feeling today?’ But instead, ‘OK, where are you up to now?’-straight to the nitty gritty as only an ivfer can understand. Feelings arent as important as reaching that next step.

And as she is the only recently pregnant friend I have confided in, I can ask her ‘pregnancy’ questions-this morning asking about foods to avoid/eat. She had more info in one text than Dr Google in a whole page!

My nurses, doctor, family and friends are brilliant, caring and compassionate. Anna is truthful, realistic and totally understanding of where we are at. Totally what we need.

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My precious cargo for my 2 sisters

I have rarely written here about my family, mainly just my experiences as we undergo ivf, icsi and now a frozen transfer.

There is a lot of unspoken pressure on my cargo bundles to perform….I will explain why.

My one and only sibling sister cannot have children. Point blank. Not a chance in hell! Her hubby’s sperm couldn’t find their in a way in a womb full of eggs! And his partner, my lil sis? Well she had a brain tumour at age 14. It was successfully removed from her brain, spinal column, spine and skull but with life altering repercussions. If any cells had remained, the tumour would have regrown on her spine so massive amounts of radiotherapy was given the full length of her spine, killing anything along the way. This included her cervix, uterus, pituitary glands and thyroid glands. She has also since suffered a stroke. They did try ivf and were able to get about 3 follicles to grow, but not mature enough to produce eggs.

My darling Ranga partner’s sister chose to fall in love the married next door neighbour when she was 18. He came with 3 children and a vasectomy. They tried to reverse it, collecting his goodies to make a baby but no luck. His children have produced grandchildren which are shared very freely and love her to bits and fill in a big bit of that void. Ranga also has 2 brothers who both have very loved, troublesome not so little boys, but it doesn’t make up for his only sister not being able to have a child.

Both girls have been so supportive, keeping up to date, asking questions and maintaining positivity. Sis-in-law is one of my bestest friends ever. It breaks my heart, I am sure it breaks hers but she is just precious. She wished the other day that she could being doing ivf with me too (she is only just 40) and I felt so bad for dumping a lot of my chats on her but she said its ok. She has made peace with it, saying, “If I can’t have what I want, I’ll do what I want!”

Two very special sisters keeping everything crossed for us xo

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