Blighted Bellies n Pelvic Dreams

My journey to having a baby as a 38 yo with undetected Pelvic Inflammation Disease

PID is not a personal identification device :-}

When I was told I had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), I googled the ole google and all sorts of acronyms were revealed! Projection, identification and databases were some of the options.

But nowhere were there any blogs about pelvic inflammatory disease AND blighted ovum miscarriage. Yeah sure, there lots of technical info. Mums on the mummy pages telling everyone how much pain they were in. PICTURES of a miscarried production of conception (who’d take photos I ask you!). People telling others to let miscarriages happen naturally.

So I decided to start this blog.

Twelve and 1/2 years ago I was pregnant. Second month of trying and BAM! The job was done! I had some staining at the 4, 8 and around 12 week mark. On the Friday, it was a little more than usual then started with fresh bleeding that night.

Over the weekend, the bleeding worsened. I miscarried in the shower and had to wait till Monday morning to have an ultrasound to find out what was happening.

The ultrasound showed an empty space.

I was booked in for a D&C that day and was home that night to recover. But my bleeding never stopped. Over a few weeks, I drove the one hour trip to see my GP quite a few times.
I had 6pm appointments.
I went on the pill to regulate me.
I had an external ultrasound (because GP said people are uncomfortable with internals even tho it would have been a better option!)
I took a course of antibiotics.
I saw the GP near my work for a second opinion ( he told to get specialist help!)
But still I kept bleeding- to the point that one day alone I went home 2 times to change clothes!

And that was the final straw. I called the travelling gyno who needed a referral. I rang my GP who then decided, after 4 weeks if consulting them that I could be bleeding to death from an ectopic pregnancy!!!

Another gyno was immediately booked, plans made, and I was there within 4 hours. An internal was done, problem found and another D&C booked for the next day.

Problem solved, or so I thought.

After months of trying again and again, I never fell pregnant. I was put onto Clomid to no avail. My blood tests came back fine saying I had ovulated every month. My husband was above average. And no options were suggested.

Over the years I have been diagnosed and undiagnosed with PCOS as my cycle is totally frustrating! I have had a hysteroscopy and laproscopy to check my plumbing. Ultrasounds, blood tests, crystal therapy, changed partners….. you name it, I’ve done it!

Then a new doctor gets my facts and WALLAH! We have an answer!!! Twelve years problems solved in 12 minutes!!! (I believe it explains my regularity problems as well)

My retained products miscarriage from a blighted ovum pregnancy, would have caused an internal infection which has damaged the lil hairs in my fallopian tubes that push the eggs down :))) THE answer!!!!!

I now understand about the feeling of closure. Xo

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Two worked…while 3 went into overtime!

I didn’t want to be one of those people nagging, waiting, ringing the embryologist but I looked down yesterday and my phone was permanently in my hand……waiting for THE call!

Then it came.

Angela told me that 2 had fertilised beautifully 🙂
Another 3 had also been fertilised….by 2 sperm each (Those are determined ranga sperm!) but that made them unusable as they had 69 chromosomes instead of 46.
One didn’t fertilise at all 😦

I was ecstatic!!!!

Angela was happy too as she said sometimes there are issues with total compatibility between sperm and eggs……Ranga’s were definitely keen to meet my girls!!!!

So now, we wait. I can ring daily to check their progress. If there are any problems before Saturdays planting, they will ring us.

Will I ring???? Nah, probably not.
Ok I will!!!!

Before Angela hung up and I said a massive thanks, I asked her to tell them (by their names!) that they are doing a wonderful job, to keep growing and will see them Saturday 🙂

Dorky? Yes! But surely it happens all the time……doesn’t it?! Lol!

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Six eggs :( but it only takes one to make baby.

The verdict was thru after the egg pick up.

There was a lot of discussion and figures about my partner’s sample. His was brilliant compared to the last 2 tests. Then, just incidentally, the embryologist said that I had six eggs. SIX????!!!!! The girl in the corridor was disappointed with her 11 because she had 17 last time.

SIX?!!!

My brain melted for a few minutes and the scientist said, ‘Oh weren’t you told yet? Yes there were 6 eggs and 10 follicles.’ Within about a minute I had to decide did we want to try ivf (eggs n sperm left to dance n find each other overnight in a petrie dish!) or prefer icsi (sperm inseminated into eggs by scientists). My head was full. I had to make a CHOICE??? You tell me I have six and in the next breath ask me what I want done??!!!!

Ranga (my partner xo) took control, bless him, and said to me that I had to decide. I said that I didn’t care, just do whatever the doctor suggested. He said, ‘No, you have to say it.’ And I couldn’t. My brain was fogged over. He told the embryologist to follow thru with ivf and wallah! The decision was made.

Phew!

As we fell asleep last night, I said to Ranga, ‘I hope those kids are having a good party without us!’

And I hope they did. Xo

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Say a little prayer for you….

Yesterday was pretty well non stop for egg pick up. Arrived at doctors, medical briefing about procedure, introduction to customer service guy who walked us to the hospital. Filled in papers, paid then was left with a volunteer until was time to ‘strip off n suit up’….about 3 mins in total!

It wasn’t until I was lying on the bed in the waiting booth (more like store room switched onto cold!), snuggly in two blankets that I started chatting to my follicles. I didn’t realise I was doing it but it went something like this…..

“Hey there. You have been causing me a bit of grief lately so i am hoping that you make this worth the effort. I know there are 6 big ones in there, but I hope the left side has kicked that right side into action and got onto the job too. Please little ovaries, please don’t let me down.”

I laid in that little icebox, listening to taps run (not good when you have been fasting!) and wished a silent wish that all was ok in my 38yo body.

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My weirdest shoot up!

Was on the way to the coast today to watch my sister jump out of a plan. We had to stop on the side of the highway, with the mother-in-law in the backseat. I gave my last injections, before the trigger tonight, while families walked behind me, yelling at their kids. Shooting up so i too can have that dream. Felt surreal knowing that there was a sharps container in my car all day. What if we got pulled over? What if the families at the roadside park said something?

You know what? Its just what i have to do:)

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Nausea and other fun after effects

Nausea, nausea, nausea. Standing, sitting, driving the car.
A constant full feeling, haven’t been hungry for over a week!
Sore, SORE boobs!!! Even when i roll over in my sleep!
Running, riding, rowing, all must wait, I wonder how long for?
Im not complaining really, just wondering if these symptoms will disappear with my eggs on Monday.

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My tragic scan

I had been bleeding on and off, nothing fresh, for a whole weekend. After being yelled at by my husband on the Friday night for waiting all day for him to come home from work and then take me to the hospital, I found it easier to ring the doctor then worry him. My so-called beloved husband, had volunteered again to do overtime callouts for the weekend so that was fine by me.

The doctor on call was not my regular guy. But by the Sunday afternoon, I was mighty impressed with his service. I rang him around 8 times over the weekend. He desperately tried to use the ultrasound machine, of which he had absolutely no idea how to even turn on. He booked me in for the first scan of the day at the xray clinic, so at 8am I showed up, with my Mum in tow.

THAT scan was devastating. Heartbreaking. Empty. Tragic. Forever etched in my mind.

The empty chasm of my body was openly visible to me. The measurements showed 10 wks 6 days and 11 wks and 3 days, depending which way she was measuring. I was supposed to be 12 weeks and 2 days. The radiographer did not try to hide the screen, preferring to say nothing, just stating that my regular doctor would have the results straight away.

In next door to the doctors I walked and sat with my Mum. (As if my husband would leave work!!!) The on-call doctor walked past, squatted down and said something like, “How’d you get on last night? I didn’t hear from you.” Needless to say, he is now my regular doctor and I love him to bits 🙂

My doctor saw me straight away and before I knew it, I was in the local hospital awaiting a D&C as I had passed “big bits” over the weekend but was still bleeding.

Crying, I climbed onto the surgery table. The nurses were absolutely perfect. Even when the operating doctor said, “Do you realise what is happening? That you are having a curette and terminating your pregnancy?” Like it was a question. Like I had a choice. Like there was anything left to save. I saw the ultrasound. It was a vast, deserted wasteland. Clean it out and start again please!

I fell asleep crying and woke up the same way. 12 years on, that day is still etched into my memory.

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THE scan!

THE scan absolutely blew me away! Anytime over the past 12 years, since my miscarriage, that a doctor has looked ‘down below’, it has been to fix problems and never have I received a definite answer to any of my questions. It’s been, “oooh you might have PCOS” or “yeah, um no, can see no reason why that is happening.”

Yesterday, I saw all the hard work my lil ovaries are doing. SIX big huge grape like follicles stared at me from my left side!!! SIX! The right side is still working on it but the gyno wasn’t concerned. I watched the measurements he took (been reading too many blogs!) and they were about 16-18mm across. With another week to go, that’s pretty impressive (from what other blogs say lol). Weirdly too, the right side hurt the most when internally probed. The left side was just a tad uncomfy but when prompted, the right side lifted my butt off the chair!!!! OUCHY!

It was just lovely to see my body doing something properly. It may be 38 yr old but its working just fine. Finally!

On the other hand tho, the second injection is giving me persisten, just-there nausea. From about 11:30am till I go to bed. Makes driving around a major city, special shopping trip, surprise visit to step daughter then driving 2 hours home, a very long day. And don’t even mention the head cold!!!!

Am just totally stoked!!!!!!!!!!!! Bring on pick up day next Monday 🙂

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Remembering My First Time

I leant on the table. She offered to hold my hand and help me do it right. My sweat sister, gym buddy and now guiding hand. A midwife friend 

I felt the nervous sweat dripping and rolling down the back of my knees. Welcome to a summer morning in Australia!

I took a breath and, BAM! I just did it! One push and I was on my way to becoming an IVF junkie! That’s what my partner calls me, his little IVF junkie! 

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First Ultrasound tomorrow!!! Nervous…not!

So tomorrow, I have my first ultrasound to check out the progress of my growing follicles. Besides a little bloating, I feel fine. My tummy looks like it’s been a few rounds of missed punches at my Friday boxing session but otherwise it is just the same.

Damn! Was hoping for a bit of weight loss!!!!

I have been injecting 300 (something!) of Gonal-f for 4 days and started the supplementary injection this morning. My partner watched me ‘shoot up’ for the first time yesterday and was mighty impressed (I think!). His only comment was, “Glad you have to do it because I couldn’t!” Needless to say, he won’t be giving me my trigger shot!

It was so surreal, that first shot. I had a friend who is a midwife, here to just keep my mind at ease. I leant on the dining room table for seemingly forever, before I took the jump, or rather, pushed that needle! Grab a chunk of skin and PUSH!

It didn’t hurt! At all!!!!!

I feel like I am doing nothing. I worry that I have forgotten an injection as it takes so little time to complete that small task, yet so much depends on it. I worry that everything is on track. I worry that my 38 year old eggs might not perform even though the doctor couldn’t believe that we were 38 and 39 yo.

I have a slight head cold  and that’s keeping me pretty quiet.

My ultrasound is at 10:45am and, as its two hours away, I have to take the whole day off work. Easier said than done! I will spend most of the drive to the doctors worrying that the relief teacher understands my planning.

Once it’s finished though, a little celebration trip to a shopping centre is planned. Suppose that will depend on the outcome of the ultrasound.

Wish me luck, fingers crossed x

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